What Happened

So I was pretty on the fence about writing this post, mainly because I have work in the morning but I knew I would forget everything if I just went to bed so here we go.

The last few months were a pretty tumultuous time for me. I find that it's pretty easy to think everything around you sucks when one part of your life sucks. Emotions are weird like that. Or at least mine are I guess. And I try to change that, try to make it so that my emotions have no control over me. I try to analyze them, dissect them, and reflect upon them so I understand why they make me feel the way they do. This is one of the ways. It's usually some driving force that causes me to write, but recently I've kind of felt like Prince Zuko. My writing came from anger, resentment, and sadness. They aren't as strong now as they were before and I don't think I'll ever completely forget how strong those feelings can be but now I'm upset I ever felt that way in the first place. Why do I have to feel anything?

But that is why emotions are great and awesome at the same time. They drive us to create, to explore, to love. I don't know if it's worth it to give up all the joy I've felt in life to not feel any of the pain. It's really easy to ignore the glimmers of light during a storm and it's also really easy to ignore the rain clouds when it's sunny. I keep needing to remind myself that life doesn't give a fuck. It isn't out to get you, but it also doesn't care about you, it can't give a fuck. I need to stop personifying life. But it's also important remember that the people in your life do care about you. Even as confusing as it may seem, even if you think you let them down.

And that's pretty much a constant feeling for me. Confusion. I'm pretty much asking myself why constantly. I built a box. I think it's a pretty cool box. It's based off the box in this video. I was planning to write a post on the creation of the box, I built it over the course of 2 months but I've had the idea of creating it for over a year. And I finished it a few days ago. Then it broke, well half of it. And it's easy to not blame myself, but there's also a bunch of things I could have messed up on. So I haven't touched the box in a few days because I'm pretty drained about it. And I don't know if I'll find the energy to fix it one last time, and then write about it, but hopefully I do.

So basically I could replace all blog posts with the shrug emoji and it would pretty much always accurately explain my current situation. Along with the pizza emoji.