Tomorrow (today, whatever) I turn 21. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this day for a while but I don’t think I have at the same time. I barely remember the day I turned 18. It was a Monday (I know this because I just looked it up), senior in high school, I don't remember if I was done with my senior project at that point. What I do remember is my mom giving me a hug and saying I'm an "adult" now.
An adult. Barely. I don't think I would call myself an adult right now. Young adult? Growing boy? Little shit? Maturing human? But probably not adult. I'll probably start calling myself an adult when I look old. Probably like...30. Maybe 35. By 40 I'll definitely be an adult. I'm in no rush to get there though. I'm kind of happy to be 21 though. I'm tired of waiting.
Or loading. Life is a video game and instead of waiting it's loading. Red line going from South Station to Downtown Crossing? Loading Downtown Crossing...building platform...adjusting humans...reticulating splines...aligning tracks. Pull into the station, everything is there. Pretty awesome. I spend my entire morning commute loading work...waiting to get to work. Some days I put headphones in and turn on music when I leave home (around 8) and then take them out and start working when I get to work (around 9). Pretty much going through the motions and ignoring the outside world. Other days I listen to trains pass on the commuter rail and watch people walk past on the subway.
My morning commutes are pretty much dedicated to getting to work but after work I can pretty much do whatever in the city until I need to get to South Station. When I don't have plans I go straight home. Sometimes I can't go straight home because the red line is on fire and I have to find another way home.
That was when I was on a disabled red line train between Kendal and Charles recently. Once we got into the station I said fuck it and decided to walk to the green line. It was really nice out and I really enjoyed walking through the Esplanade. Instead of rushing to get home I got time to appreciate the world, the city of Boston. A couple days before I walked from work to the Mass Ave Orange Line stop because the red line was again, on fire. The walk across the Mass Ave bridge was great as it was a beautiful day. My phone was dead. I couldn't listen to music. Just people walking by, cars passing by, and the sounds of the city.
I feel like I'm just waiting for co-op to be over and to be back in school. Probably two days after the semester starts I'll be waiting to be on co-op again. Waiting to graduate. Waiting for some other important life events. Waiting for the heat death of the universe. Not really paying attention to right now, what's around me, and trying enjoying myself in the current. The future is nice (it can also be scary) but the present is also pretty nice (but the present can also be scary, the past is also pretty scary, everything is scary). I'm going to keep looking forward to the future but I should put more effort in enjoying the present, play the mini-games while things are loading.
Only one blog post a month. What is this shit? I don't know. Nothing really blog post worthy happens. Blog post worthy is a very loose term though because I pretty much wrote about anything last year. Maybe I just need to lower my standards on what I think a good blog post idea is. Or do more blog post worthy shit. You know.