I'm Still Leaving?

I'm still writing posts. Of course this post is late. This post is for Saturday, May 13, 2017.

Throughout the week people have been asking me how I feel about moving. The only time I felt pure excitement was when I just got back from visiting Seattle. Over the last couple of months that excitement has been muddied with other feelings. Also even at this point I don't really feel ready yet. I started looking for apartments, I started losely planning moving all of my stuff there but I haven't bought my ticket yet. I really think that leaving will only fully hit me the day before my flight or when I am headed to the airport with way too much luggage.

When I left high school I saw college as a way to get away from my childhood. Reinvent myself. High school senior me and college freshman me weren't all that different people though. College freshman me and college senior me are way different people however. But it took time to get there. I want to say that leaving Boston and moving to Seattle is a way to explore, see what's out there. But I'm also worried that I'm isolating myself all the way across the country. Leaving everyone behind, not chosing to live with a roommate. Finding my way, at least initially, alone. I'm not actually scared of that, but I also ask myself why.

It really is a trade off. Could I get new experiences in Boston? Probably. I'm moving into a new part of my life, but for some reason I'm afraid I would fall back on what I know. This want for the unknown was very similar to my second co-op selection. I wanted something new and unfamiliar, I wanted responsibility and challege. I certainly got that, but I was still here. When I was stressed out about work I had people to fall back on. Now I face similar challenges with the added bonus of building a new local support group. Yes, I can still call and text back to both my homes but I feel like it won't be the same.

I want the few remaining weeks I am in Boston not to be filled with apprehension but to be acceptance. Feeling that I am ready to move, looking forward to the possibilities in front of me, while hopefully not being blinded by habanero peppers.