The end of the semester usually is a strange and somewhat stressful time. My sleep schedule goes to shit, well, gets even worse than it usually is while I procrastinate my way through projects. I somehow manage to wake up for morning exams. And then it’s all over. Usually I walk out of my last final happy that I’m done, get back to my dorm, and then try to figure out when I’m going home. Basically when can one of my parents pick me and all my stuff up. Between finishing exams and going home is always a strange time. Most of the time it involves playing video games because most people have gone back home at this point. Some of the time it involves hanging out with the people who are left because they also don’t want to spend all day by themselves. Rarely does it involve a dude banging on a girl’s door across the hall at 4 in the morning, going out to talk to him because you’re hella confused (and worried, for everyone involved), and then having NUPD show up to take them away.

Usually there is at least one day before I leave where I’m alone all day. Everyone is gone at this point. I have no reason to leave my room except to get food. And when I do get food, talking to the person making my burrito is probably the first time I’ve heard my voice in the last 16 hours. I don’t really use the time to reflect on the semester, I just shove exam week out of my head by mindlessly playing video games. And when I get bored of that, I watch TV shows for way too long, and when I get bored of that I sleep. And then I go home. But this year I don’t have to go home.

Unlike previous years where I lived on campus and had to leave housing by a certain date I now live off campus so I don’t need to go home at any point. Honestly the only reason I’m going home, for like 3 days, is because I feel bad about not going home for Christmas. And I feel kind of weird saying that. It’s almost if I’m saying being alone is better than being home.

Being alone isn’t that bad. It’s almost kind of OK. It’s fine…I guess. All of high school I was pretty much looking forward to going to college so I didn’t have to live at home for extended periods of time. College has made me feel way better about myself. There are still days (or weeks) where I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing but overall it is better. Living at home for three weeks just throws me back to when I was back in high school. At home, using my computer hours on end, little interaction with my parents and brothers, no interaction with anyone else, and I can’t even order pizza at 1:30 in the morning.

And that’s probably the real reason I feel bad about not going home. Because I would rather be alone and have more freedom than be home and have to deal with my parents and be reminded of high school me. At this point I probably never have to go home again (if I end up finding a job and a place to live right after college (I have no idea how this works (help))). It’s pretty much up to me at this point. I can choose to go home or I can choose to be alone.

I mean there might be some people around during the break so hopefully I will not be totally alone. But then again normal people visit their families.