post-success depression

There's nothing like the feeling of achieving something you've always been working towards or experiencing something amazing. It's like a dream come true. But there's always the day after the happiest day of your life. It's not like that day will be bad, you're still riding off the joys of the day before but it can't compare to the day before. And sometimes the fear is that no day will ever match the happiest day of your life.

I would like to think that I'm always working towards something, multiple things actually but one large goal with several small goals along the way. Also maybe a smidgen of large goals vaguely planned out. After reaching a goal or experiencing something great after I always feel kind of empty. I think I feel this the most when I went back home after a year of college. The sudden change in atmosphere and day to day life is hard to process. You wake up and realize you're not living in a dream anymore, it's jarring. But somehow you have to be able to keep on moving.

I think it's going to hit me most when I'm out of college. I'm going to be sitting somewhere, eating Cheerios or something, and I'm going to think, fuck, I'm not in college anymore. At this point I may be somewhere in California, I've moved far away from my family and college friends who stayed in Boston. I'm going to have to meet new people again, find new things to do, and most difficult of all, find good pizza places. It does mean I've achieved my goals and I've made it somewhere I want to be but the known is usually far more comforting than the unknown.

I don't think I'll ever run out of goals. Hopefully I wont anyway. The great part about tech is that there's always new something new. I can always improve myself in some way. I know I still have a very long ways to go. Hopefully I won't ever get to a point where I say, "I've made it", because there's always the next day. And if I've made it what is there left to do?