On Leaving

The reasons for leaving seemed so clear at first. Live in a new place, experience new things. But as I get closer to actually moving I'm starting to wonder if I'm making the right decision. For the few days I was there Seattle seemed amazing, it filled me with the same sense of wonder I felt when I visited Boston for a week summer 2010. I wouldn't move to Boston for another two years after that but I would say after that point I was looking forward to leaving high school. Now, not so much.

All the way back in 2008 when I entered 9th grade a few days before the first day of school we had high school orientation and we were told that the four years of high school would go by quickly. I almost wish somebody told me the same thing when I entered Northeastern. I was very ready to leave high school. Boston was basically a dream come true. I'm still living in that dream, and there's no real reason it has to end.

But things change. One of the main reasons I even decided I wanted to live on the west coast in the first place was because I didn't want to get stuck where I am right now. For some reason I figured that if I didn't move and explore right out of college I would slowly lose the motivation to move later on in life. I know that's not completely true but I think I was afraid of getting stuck, becoming too comfortable with the life I have now. It's one thing to say you want to take a risk and another thing to actually take the risk.

I keep telling myself that I could stay here if I really wanted to. I could transfer to a team in Boston and live here. But I still want to experience Seattle, to move out of my comfort zone, to learn and experience new things at a rapid pace again. I'm still excited about leaving but I still ask myself if I'm making the right decision, leaving everything I know. I wonder if I'm making the wrong choice, choosing the wrong path. I think this path will lead me back to New England one day but who knows what may happen between now and then.

Why would I leave if I'm happy where I am? I don't think I'm wondering if the grass is greener however. I think I'm ready to accept the grass in whatever state it's in. Ready to nurture and care for it, ready to build upon what I learned from taking care of my first lawn. I don't know if this metaphor was helpful.

I still have about 3 months before I do leave. I hope to make the most of it because that's really the most I can hope for.